the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
