So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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