Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
