yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
