I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
