Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
