In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
