Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
