i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
