I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
