Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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