i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
