We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
