how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
