when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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