i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
