My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
