I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
