i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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