can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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