Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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