I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
