i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
