Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
