What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
