you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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