hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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