Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
