hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
