did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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