if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
