How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
