Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
