am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
