Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
