I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
