if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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