someone owes me an orgasm
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
