he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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