i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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