dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
