Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
