I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
