I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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