I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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