dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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