I cockslap morals
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
