College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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