I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
