Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You can't just leave with hair like that
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
