Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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