I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
