Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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