Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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