he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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