The best revenge is premature balding
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
